unluckless | ic inbox -- cerealia

[Komaeda doesn't miss the message in that gesture. No chance he would. He shifts his hand to catch Hinata's, tangling their fingers together securely. Always the two of them. Mostly Komaeda realizes how little control he actually has over a lot of this, but he's still determined to stay by Hinata's side, somehow.

He squeezes his fingers gently before lifting that hand up so he can press a kiss to the back of the other boy's knuckles.]

It always is. From the very beginning... [A pause.] ...even if it was really different back then.

[I think I'd really go crazy if you weren't here, Hinata thinks but doesn't say. It feels heavy to say, and he doesn't want to make Komaeda feel that heaviness. If anything, he wonders more at himself.]

Really different. But I can barely even remember how it felt back then.

[Being with Komaeda has become the normal thing. Returning to that time... would be strange.] I... it's strange, Nagito. Back then, when this would've happened, I would've felt panicked. That's the right reaction, right?

But I just feel empty right now.

[So many times... this has happened. So many. Hinata's not kind enough to himself to forgive his own feelings on this, that he's been wrung of his shock by this happening time and time again.]

Edited 2015-09-28 01:46 (UTC)

[Komaeda is quiet as Hinata speaks, listening. He understands he thinks -- which is surprising in a way, that Komaeda does understand, after how difficult it's been in the past for him to see past his own ideas of hope.

But he shakes his head.]

I don't think there's any right or wrong way to react. It keeps happening, that people we care about disappear entirely. That sort of thing, going through it again and again... mm. It's like a scar, isn't it? [An emotional scar.

And besides,] And we'll see them again, too. So even this... it's only temporary.

[Hinata doesn't answer for a few moments, just silent with his back moving in slow, deep breaths. They're much at odds to how he actually feels and he wishes, he wishes--]

I want to... be upset.

[He wants to rage, cry, scream, something. Pound his fists against the wall. Frustration, frustration, always... But he can't muster it. There's a strange hollow feeling and he thinks... that most of them have spent longer apart than they ever have together.

Muffled, he laughs, a sad croak of a sound.] Sorry... Saying this. You're right. I know that you are, and I agree with you. [But still.]

[Komaeda shakes his head at the apology.] Don't apologize. Hajime... Even knowing those things, believing those things, it doesn't change what's happening right now.

[And they've been through so much, lost so many people. His hand slips from Hinata's hair, down to smooth over his back softly, gentle and what he hopes is soothing.]

It's okay. [His voice is quiet. It's harder for Hinata, he thinks. Hinata who connects so much with everyone, whose real talent -- out of all the talents he's been engineered to have, the one that's always been his, Komaeda has decided after a great deal of thought on the matter -- is making those connections, reaching out to people. Komaeda has never been good at it, never been close to anyone, aside from Hinata. And he knows he's feeling the loss of his classmates, even with that. He nudges gently at Hinata's shoulder though to urge him to sit up. He needs a hug, okay? Maybe they both need hugs.]

[Eventually, slowly, he does push himself up, realising what Komaeda's urging him to do. He'll do it. He looks at Komaeda's face, shifts a hand to touch his cheek, sweeping the pale skin with his fingertips, watching as a piece of hair catches on his index finger.

His red eyes soften and then he leans in, burying his face against Komaeda's neck, his other hand sliding, working its way between him and the back of the couch. His fingers splay against before curling to his back, thumb rubbing against the sharper point of his shoulder blade. He can feel, dimly, the steady pound of Komaeda's heart through where his palm presses and he, just...

Wants to bury himself in Komaeda's warmth.]

[Komaeda's eyes widen just faintly in surprise at the touch, sweet and warm as it is. He can't help but turn into it, just slightly, into the comfort that it offers in so simple a gesture.

When Hinata moves closer, Komaeda is quick to wrap his arms around him, hold him close, oh so very close and secure and tight like somehow he can make it all go away. And really, somehow that's not enough, so he also wraps a leg around him, like he can bring them that much closer, cling to him entirely just now.

And maybe there's the tiniest bit of desperation hidden there, the selfish thought that always rises in him when the people they know and care for disappear so suddenly -- Don't leave me. As though Hinata has any more control over it than he himself does.]

[Hinata's breath exhales, a soft, warm puff against Komaeda's neck as he holds back at him. Komaeda wouldn't be the only one who's thought about it-- that he doesn't want to lose him. Though they've talked about this to a degree, the possibility is always there.

It's always scary.

He kisses Komaeda's neck, a dry, close-lipped press of his mouth. Reassurance, almost. For Komaeda and for himself. And it's a small reminder that he's still here, that both of them are still here.]

[Komaeda has him in his clutches now. Hinata will never escape. He'll take that reassurance too, the press of those lips to his skin. He ducks his head to half bury his face against Hinata's hair, eyes falling shut.

Hinata is here. He's here. Their classmates are gone again, but even that, he really does want to believe is temporary, that somehow they'll find their way home -- on their own terms.

Fingers curl into the fabric of Hinata's shirt.] Hajime?

Hm?

[His voice is muffled, faint, and he doesn't lift up his face, not willing to give up the comfort and secure position he has here. He tightens his arm at Komaeda's back instead, his fingers rubbing a series of gentle circles there.]

[Good. No distance between them is Komaeda's current strategy too. So he only tightens his arms in turn. He doesn't really want to ask the question he's going to ask, but he will, nevertheless.]

Why do you think CERES chooses people to come and go. They must have their reasons, right?

[And yet, if they get rid of threats, even with his classmates exceptional talents, Komaeda can't exactly say any of them were threats to CERES. If any one of them is, it'd be Hinata, who is still here. So what is their criteria? What is the method to their considerable madness?]

I don't know.

[Hinata moves his head slightly, shaking, pushing his mouth to Komaeda's neck again. When he speaks, as his lips move, he can feel the faint pulse of his heart, his blood, under his skin.] Like Yao with this... it doesn't make a lot of sense.

[Unlike Yao, do they not go to storage? Do they instead go to that code place they were all stuck in once before?]

Edited 2015-09-28 21:42 (UTC)

[It's ticklish this time, the brush of those lips, and Komaeda hums softly, more at the feeling than the words at first, but those register and he has to agree.

Like Yao. He hates that there are so many parallels. CERES seems less overtly vicious at times, and at least they don't keep everyone on the brink of death at any moment, but still...

He wonders about storage. Or back to some source code. Or else slumbering somewhere in some other coma-like state because everything is virtual reality it's VR all the way down.]

Somehow it's hard to think about.

It is.

[Hinata sighs and considers something, and then he moves to take Komaeda's hand (human one, but it barely makes a difference to him anymore) with one of his own. He glances up at him.] Even worse when you start to think that they can probably see and hear everything.

[Moving his other hand to Komaeda's palm, he starts to write with his fingertip, closing his eyes purposefully.

Maybe it's time we got serious.]

Mm. That goes without saying, doesn't it?

[That they're listening, watching. Komaeda sighs, glancing down at their hands when Hinata takes his -- though he catches on quickly when he feels the way Hinata's finger is moving and glances away, eyes falling shut in favor of turning to nuzzle into Hinata's hair.

And he concentrates before nodding, barely a movement at all.

His turn then, fingernail grazing over skin as he traces the characters. Yeah. Something in mind?]

[Hinata nuzzles softly in response, into his neck, his eyes shut, the only sound in his ears the soft thud of Komaeda's heartbeat. Not yet. It draws a pang of regret to write as much and he frowns slightly.

But that Bridge is important, I think.

Unspoken... they need to do something about her.]

[More nuzzling. Komaeda exhales a sigh -- pleased despite the serious "conversation" they're having just now. He focuses on what Hinata is doing, the movement of that finger.

It seems so. Why did they have her to begin with?

Could they find answers if they found her again to speak with? He turns his head towards Hinata, exhaling a sigh not far from his ear.

Who else could they be hiding?]

Edited 2015-10-01 03:39 (UTC)

[Hinata frowns into his neck, slowly tracing out the shapes of the words as he soaks in the warmth of Komaeda's body.

Korra mentioned that they'd originally given them gifts or something... Whatever it was, it was something Vincere did, before he was killed. Probably after they first got here.

You know, stories even from our world of how people've won over the native residences of a place by bribing them? They could've been being tricked, all this time.

Korra's name shouldn't come as too much of a surprise, at least-- someone in Haven here is something he already mentioned. She doesn't remember them, though. Or Sonia. Or anything about Haven. Ssssigh.]

[There are worse ways to have a conversation, aren't there? Even if he's concentrating closely to follow what Hinata is tracing out on his skin.

So with Vincere dead, did the bribes stop?

Is that why so much has gotten restless?

So are the locals potential allies? Or potentially dangerous? Or both.]

[I guess they must have. I don't think that they knew-- they were looking for him when they first got here.

He's slow, methodical, when it comes to tracing out the symbols at least! Gotta make sure they can both pick up on them easily.

And... I think they could be allies. They might be dangerous if we cross them, of course, but it's too early to tell for now. We know, at least, that CERES is basically their enemy too.]

[So we have a mutual enemy. That is a start for common ground.

And that's something, isn't it? Hinata's right. They could be dangerous. They could be allies. Or they could be some mix of both.

Clearly they have capacity for causing trouble.]

[I hope so, at least.

But he stops his writing for now, his eyelashes brushing to Komaeda's neck as he blinks... and then nestles right back in. His breath is a low, puffed sigh and he shifts his hand to take Komaeda's.

Fingers twine with his, tangling.]

[Oh? No more writing now? But that's okay. Hand holding is pretty nice. He tightens his fingers securely around Hinata's, a gentle squeeze.]

If it's all right... let's stay in for the rest of the day?

[So with people disappearing and all this talk, he thinks he'd rather like to stick close for just a little while.]

Yeah. [His voice is low, a murmur, that and nothing more. He doesn't think he needs to say too much.

He's sure Komaeda understands he just wants to be with him today, as well. He wonders if it scares him. It probably does. He feels so strange about it all, thinks that it's happened so much it's made him strange.]

[No he definitely does not need to say too much at all. Komaeda understands. And he is scared, somehow, this reminder of how quickly people can be pulled away without a trace... How overwhelming what they're up against is.

He leans in closer to Hinata now, like he's thinking about disappearing into him entirely.]

Thank you.

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